A Part of Him
by celticmoonbeams
Summary: Inspired by the promo stills for 4x12. Emma reflects on a part of Killian she adores.


Her hand reached out beside her as she glanced around the half empty diner. She hadn't needed to look to find what she was aiming to touch. She knew it would be there just like she knew he would. It was just the way he was. It was how he had always proven himself to be since they first met.

Even when he was hurt by her and angry, he couldn't keep himself away. He always came back to her. He even came back when every bone in his body screamed for him to run in order to save himself with the bean. He came back and brought her home to her family back to her. He even followed her through time.

She knew he was going to be sitting right beside her but she loved the feel of the cool metal across her fingertips nonetheless. It wasn't for true comfort or to put herself at ease. It wasn't because she was nervous. She just liked touching it.

No, it wasn't for her for the most part despite the fact she did get somethings out of it. It was for him. It was her way to enjoy giving back some of the things he had done for her.

He made every part of her feel like it was special for her being herself not just for being _the Savior_. He believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself. He wanted her to be happy with who she was just as much as what she was. He wanted give her want she both wanted and needed even if that meant he would have to give her up himself. He gave her her family.

What he didn't realize was she wanted the same for him. She wanted him to believe in himself. She wanted him to be happy with who and what he was. She wanted him to have what she knew he didn't think she knew he wanted.

She knew what he did for her. A wide, full smile blossomed on his face every time she used her magic or succeeded at something she set out to accomplish. His eyebrow arched and a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth when she showed the pirate inside of her. He expressed it freely right in front of her.

It was the other things he tried to hide which she saw. He longed to be seen for a man of honor instead of just a pirate. He longed for a home and family. He longed to be a better man than he had been. He wanted to be a hero instead of a villain.

The one thing she had noticed had been his flinch when it came to his hook. Losing his hand had set him on the path of self-destruction which he felt so much shame and self-hatred. It represented his loss and his past. It reminded him of a lesson he had learned.

It had been the exact same as her old swan necklace Neal had given her as a keychain. It had reminded her of her loss and a lesson she had learned to not trust again.

She had let it go because she had decided to let it go. She knew he couldn't do the same physically. They had just gotten through with that and what it had done. It was clear to her letting go of a necklace was different than reattaching his hand. He wasn't the same person he had been when his hand had been cut off so it was as if it was a different person's hand at the end of his arm.

He tried to hide all of it but she saw. She saw it in everything he did since the moment he came back with that bean and they went to Neverland. She saw it emerged inch by inch throughout their time in Neverland and every moment they were back in Storybrooke. She saw it in what he had sacrificed for her.

He needed to learn to embrace it and accept he had changed. He needed to see it as proof of how far he had came. It showed how much of a strong man who has survived the darkest part of his soul and came out better on the other end. He weathered some of the bumpiest seas anyone could navigate. He was stronger and so much more the hero than he realized or wanted to give himself credit for.

She had never had a problem with it like he did. She actually enjoyed it. She had even took it and hid it in a drawer in her office when he was in the hospital when he first came to Storybrooke. Sure, she had said it was to keep it away from him for safety reasons and she wasn't completely lying. But, there was a huge part of her that had just wanted it because it was him just like she had kept his scarf.

She wrapped her fingers around the hook of the man sitting next to her. She felt the metal gradually warm in her hand. It hadn't escaped her how similar he was to the warming metal. He went from cold, ruthless and single minded pirate hell bent on revenge for over 300 years to a fiery, honorable, passionate man.

He had told her her magic was a part of her. It was a part of who she was not just what she was. It could nor shouldn't be taken from her. She wasn't special just because of it. It was special because she was for the woman she was and the magic was only an expression of it.

She said the same for him and his hook. It couldn't or shouldn't be taken from him. It was an expression of how he was becoming the man he was. It was a part of him and she didn't want it any other way.


End file.
